THE LARRY LETTER
A monthly assessment of middle-aged male behavior in the contemporary art ecosystem, submitted by Art Daddy to Larry Gagosian, the nearest available father figure.
As the art world currently lacks a functioning Department of Daddy Affairs, Art Daddy has reluctantly assumed responsibility for monitoring the health and stability of its middle-aged male population.
Each month, this report is submitted to Larry Gagosian, the nearest available father figure, and documents notable developments including but not limited to executive overconfidence, collector migration, inappropriate confidence in linen, institutional delusion, unnecessary podcast appearances, and sudden outbreaks of Instagram posting.
The findings are rarely encouraging.
The Daddy Governance Index remains HIGHLY ACTIVATED
Dear Larry,
I regret to inform you that the children are fighting.
Over the last twelve days, I launched a paid publication, used HBO’s Succession as a metaphor for the Pace restructuring, reminded the industry that Jerry Gogosian’s death is still under investigation, and committed the unforgivable offense of having opinions. In response, I appear to have activated an entire population of middle-aged men who have mistaken Instagram Stories for a peer-reviewed journal.
As a journalist, I can survive criticism. As Art Daddy, however, I feel obligated to notify the nearest available father figure when the family group chat becomes this dysfunctional. I fear I have accidentally become contemporary art’s least prestigious performance piece.
Current conditions are as follows:
One dealer subtweeted.
Two commentators self-appointed themselves to the ethics committee.
Several grown men have confused posting with governance.
Multiple parties remain highly activated despite no evidence of having looked at a painting this week.
I am therefore requesting:
one (1) paternal nod,
one (1) emergency board meeting,
two (2) martinis,
and a temporary ceasefire until everyone has spent at least twenty uninterrupted minutes with a work of art.
Respectfully, I would also like to remind the ecosystem that gallery workers are being laid off, museums are unionizing, legacy collectors are aging out of the market, and billionaires continue to spend nine figures on paintings.
The following incidents have therefore been flagged for immediate review by the Daddy Governance Committee.
Marc and Arne Glimcher
On a related note, Larry, I have a governance question.
Has anyone checked whether Marc Glimcher completed the mandatory New York State HR compliance training? Because he appears to have embarked on an international art world firing press tour, and I am increasingly concerned he believes prestige newspapers are an acceptable substitute for internal communications.
Last Wednesday, he stopped by the New York Times to gently place the entire art world on notice before approximately fifty staff members and fifty artists were introduced to the exciting new corporate initiative known as “restructuring.”
This Wednesday, he arrived at the Financial Times to reassure London that downsizing was perfectly normal and there was absolutely no reason to panic, which is historically the professional equivalent of hearing, “Can we have a quick chat?”
At this point I fully expect next Wednesday’s announcement that Berlin is being “reimagined” to appear exclusively in Die Zeit, followed by an interview explaining that Paris is “entering a more intimate chapter,” Seoul is “embracing strategic flexibility,” and everyone should remain calm while discreetly forwarding themselves job postings.
Respectfully, Larry, I am beginning to suspect Marc mistook the HR handbook for an international media strategy and the international media strategy for an HR department.
The Daddy Governance Committee requests immediate intervention before next week’s layoffs are announced from a panel discussion at Art Basel.
Noah Becker and Kenny Schachter
I would also like to report that Daddy has detected the early stages of a new art world alliance. Noah Becker and Kenny Schachter have unexpectedly entered into diplomatic relations.
The announcement arrived via an Instagram caption of such extraordinary length that it briefly qualified as long-form criticism, a personal memoir, and a New Yorker profile explaining why Noah had, until this exact moment, apparently never met Kenny.
Naturally, Daddy’s first question is: why now?
Middle-aged men rarely form spontaneous coalitions without an external threat, a shared enemy, or an upcoming dinner reservation. I therefore believe we are witnessing the opening phase of a broader geopolitical realignment within the contemporary art ecosystem.
The Daddy Intelligence Agency will continue monitoring the situation and encourages the public to report any additional sightings of unexpected alliances, joint podcast appearances, or men over fifty suddenly referring to each other as “old friends.”
The Daddy Threat Level remains ELEVATED.
Shitty Male Publicists
I would also like to report a disturbing increase in the population of the Shitty Drunk Male Publicist.
While spring art fair season inevitably tests everyone’s emotional resilience, Daddy has identified a small but highly active subgroup of middle-aged men who appear to believe that professional communications is best practiced somewhere between their third Negroni and dessert.
Recent incidents include aggressive emails, unnecessary Instagram comments, public displays of professional grievance, and several cases of men becoming unexpectedly convinced that they should weigh in on situations that have absolutely nothing to do with them.
Daddy would respectfully like to remind this demographic that “communications professional” is not generally understood to mean “person having a public nervous breakdown in the comments section.”
At this point, I am proposing that all male publicists over the age of 33 complete the same mandatory New York State HR compliance training as Marc Glimcher, with an additional module titled Just Because You Typed It Doesn’t Mean You Have To Send It.
Early findings suggest that ninety percent of art world crises could be avoided by replacing one late-night Instagram Story with a glass of water, an Uber home, and eight uninterrupted hours of sleep.
Yet somehow a woman with a Substack and Wi-Fi has become everyone’s favorite exhibition.
This cannot be sustainable. Should intervention prove impossible, I will continue reporting on artists, labor, markets, institutional dysfunction, and the occasional middle-aged man behaving like he’s trapped in the Hyperallergic comments section circa 2016.
Thank you for your continued leadership during this difficult moment for fathers everywhere.
With love and journalistic integrity,
Art Daddy
P.S. If you’re going to write about me, please subscribe first.
P.P.S. The Daddy Governance Framework is currently accepting public comment and will be circulated once everyone has calmed down.
P.P.P.S. Larry, while I have your attention, I would like to respectfully remind both you and my ex that independent art media does not fund itself. If either of you would like to support journalism, market analysis, cultural criticism, and Daddy Governance oversight, the paid subscription button remains fully operational.
I trust you’ll both do the right thing.
The Daddy Governance Committee is currently accepting public reports.
If you witness executive overconfidence, collector migration, institutional delusion, unnecessary podcast appearances, suspicious alliances between middle-aged men, or incidents of Shitty Drunk Male Publicist behavior, please notify the appropriate authorities immediately.
Supporting documentation may include screenshots, leaked emails, forwarded group chats, eyewitness testimony, blurry Art Basel photographs, passive-aggressive LinkedIn activity, and reports beginning with the phrase, “You didn’t hear this from me, but...”
Screenshots are strongly encouraged.
All submissions will be reviewed by the Department of Daddy Affairs and classified according to the Daddy Governance Framework.
Thank you for your vigilance.
Keep dragging Larry! 🫶🙌